what to do when you get dumped on valentine’s day
With Valentine’s Day falling on a Friday this year, it sets the stage for a full weekend of romance. Netflix will take advantage of the timing with the release of a new season of Love is Blind filmed in Minneapolis. Drake and PartyNextDoor are scheduled to drop a collaborative album titled, Some Sexy Songs 4 U. Not only have corporate entities strategized Valentine’s Day weekend for profit, but romantics alike will inevitably plan their own escapades with significant others and loved ones to celebrate over the weekend. I was in my first year of law school the last time Valentine’s Day fell on a Friday; just weeks before the pandemic. I was seeing an LLM student from abroad at the time — for the sake of this story, we’ll call her “Valentina.”
Valentina
She was gorgeous; tanned and slender with striking dark features, and a sexy accent that I didn’t hear too often in Minnesota. I saw her for the first time in Contracts class. On the first day of class, our professor had us all introduce ourselves. Valentina sat in the very front row and was up first to introduce herself. I remember jokingly telling one of my friends sitting next to me,
“I think that’s my wife right there.”
After some weeks, I learned that my boy Adam, a Hungarian international student, was friends with Valentina. Adam hinted that Valentina had a crush on me. Valentina and I started studying together and hung out with friends after class. We hit it off and got along really well. We had similar goals and ambitions, we cried laughing at our inside jokes, and set any dance floor on fire together. It was a bonus that we were extremely attracted to each other. Eventually, we became an item and were more or less recognized as a couple at school. We were together for about three or four months.
The To-Do List
Things started going downhill the week of Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day was on Friday, and our first law prom was on Saturday. On Tuesday of that week, Valentina and I picked up lunch in the Skyway and went back to her apartment to eat and study before afternoon classes. When we got back to her apartment, I set the food on the table, set my backpack down on the floor, and sat down at her dinette. There was what appeared to be a blue to-do list in front of me on the table. I casually picked it up to read, but before I could read anything,
“Para!” Valentina said, speaking in Portuguese and snatching the note from my hand. She quickly reverted to English. “What are you doing?” She asked sternly shaking the note in her hand.
I looked at her alarmed with wide eyes. I was at a loss for words. Valentina continued,
“You can’t just come into my space and start reading my stuff. It’s an invasion of privacy.” She lectured.
I apologized and tried to explain that the note was sitting right in front of me when I sat down. She was hot and bothered, but we made peace and ate quietly. After we ate, I decided to give her some space. We kissed goodbye and she reminded me not to let something like that happen again. I left her apartment and couldn’t help but think what was written on that note that she didn’t want me to read.
Done
The next day, me and two other classmates were scheduled to host our first Sports, Entertainment and Media (SEM) Law Society event at the Target Center. We were going to a panel of front office executives at the Minnesota Timberwolves discussing careers in sports, and were invited to attend the Timberwolves game after the panel. Valentina planned to come along to support our organization. Before the event, Valentina met me in one of the hallway lounges at the law school to study. There was still some tension between us from the to-do list fiasco the day before, so I tried to make light of what had happened with a joke. We were studying so I said something witty about how Valentina kept her notes close to her chest. The joke didn’t go over well, and now Valentina was even more upset.
But it was time to walk over to the Target Center via Skyway with the SEM Law Society. The group attending the event was about 15 of us in total. We walked through the Skyway in staggered lines like a military troop. When we set out from the law school, Valentina was on a FaceTime call with a friend from back home. She was basically shouting at her phone in Portuguese. Everyone in the group noticed this, in fact, it was hard to ignore. I was one of the founders of the SEM Law Society and helped organize the event. Valentina was my guest for the event, so I felt compelled to say something,
“Babe, do you think you can call back? Let’s try and be present and get to know the group ahead of the panel.” I said.
"I’m on a call with my friend from home.” Valentina snapped back.
While Valentina held her phone out, I positioned myself closer to Valentina to get in the shot and turned the camera towards me.
“Hi! Can Valentina call you back? We’re kinda busy right now!” I said smiling with a wave.
Another boneheaded move that had disastrous results. Valentina lost it.
“Are you kidding me? Did you just grab the phone out of my hands?” Valentina said with incredible disbelief.
I didn’t grab the phone out of her hand, but it didn’t matter. I had never seen Valentina this angry. Even though she was speaking another language, anyone could tell that she was very upset. I tried explaining to Valentina that she was being a little rude, but she insisted that I was the one being rude. This went on as we approached the Target Center. Valentina had enough.
“Done! Done!” She said, as she stormed back the way we came.
I tried reaching out to her after the event and the game, but no response. The next day, we may have exchanged a couple texts, but she wasn’t ready to talk. It wasn’t until Friday, Valentine’s Day, that I would see her again.
Meet Me at the Caf
Constitutional Law was my last class of the day on Fridays, and class got out by noon. There was a lot to look forward to that weekend – dinner reservations, movies, a day party, pregame, and law prom. Valentina had previously mentioned that she never had a prom in high school and that she always wanted to have the full prom experience. She only ever saw what prom was like through American films. I ordered a corsage from a flower shop to match the color of the dress that she planned to wear. A thoughtful gesture to make her feel a little more special on what was supposed to be a romantic weekend of reconciliation.
With roughly a half hour left in class, I received a text from Valentina:
“Not good,” I thought. Valentina’s text was direct and dryer than usual, but I figured that she was still upset from a couple days prior. I tried to be optimistic — I convinced myself that she probably wants to clear the air before we embark on an unforgettable Valentine’s Day weekend. I tried to focus up for the last part of class, but as class drew to a close, I couldn’t help but think that our time together was also expiring.
Class ended about a quarter to noon. I packed up and headed straight for the caf, which took no more than a couple minutes to walk to via Skyway. Valentina was already there scooping soup into a bowl. She wore a chocolate sweatsuit that I had always told her she looked good in.
“Hey you,” I said with a measured smile, gauging her mood.
“Hey,” she said with a soft smile, lacking her usual spunk and energy.
I grabbed something light bracing for what could be a difficult conversation. As we checked out, I asked her how her morning went and what her afternoon class was looking like. Things started to feel normal again, if just for a moment. We scoped out a table by the windows and sat down.
“What’s up? Is everything alright?” I asked.
She blew on a spoonful of soup and put her spoon back into the bowl.
“Jesse, I just wanna be done,” she said shaking her head nonchalantly with defeat in her eyes.
I was taken aback.
“You wanna be done?” I repeated as if I didn’t hear her the first time.
“I just wanna focus on school, and I miss spending time with the LLMs and my friends,” she answered.
“Are you serious?” I asked forcing a smile. “We’re going to spend the whole day with them tomorrow.”
“I know, and I am still going to the prom, and I hope to see you there. But I don’t think it’s a good idea that you come to the day party or the pregame.” She confessed.
“What do you mean? They’re my friends too.” I said in disbelief.
“I know, but I just don’t want it to be awkward. I know I will probably see you at the prom, and that’s fine. But I just don’t want the pregame to be awkward.” She said.
I sat back in my chair and studied her face intently. I waited for her to crack a smile and tell me that she was joking. When I accepted that she really meant what she was saying, I realized that this could be the last time we speak to one another. All I could do then was look into her eyes. And she looked back into mine. I knew she wasn’t sorry about it. Her eyes were regretful but read, “I have no other choice.” I wanted an explanation as to why.
“I know we had a rough week, but we had so much planned for weekend. We were going to have a great weekend together. Why now? On Valentine’s Day?”
“I don’t care if it’s Valentine’s Day. It’s what I feel. I just wanna be done,” she answered sourly as she swirled her spoon in the bowl of soup.
I’m not sure I even touched my food. I scanned the dining room to see who else was in the caf seeing this all go down. A group of the LLMs were having lunch with my Constitutional Law professor a few tables away. I assumed that they knew what was happening. I felt like an idiot. “Is this really happening right now?” I thought. I took a deep breath.
“Alright,” I said with a sigh. “If that’s what you want.”
I pulled my laptop out of my backpack and opened it up. I started clicking around and began to get a jump on my calendar for the following week.
Valentina stared at me for a while as I looked down at my computer.
“Is there anything else you want to say?” she asked in a slightly confused tone.
“What else is there to say?” I said glancing back up at her for a second.
“Okay. Well, see you.” Valentina packed up the rest of her lunch, picked up her bag, and left the caf.
I stared at my computer screen. I had just been dumped, on Valentine’s Day. I ran through all of the implications of the breakup — dinner reservations are cancelled, the corsage was a waste, I no longer seemed welcome to the day party and pregame, and law prom seemed pointless. My weekend plans were shot, and my favorite person no longer wanted to be with me.
Thankfully, I was done with class for the day, so I could at least be heartbroken in the comfort of my own home. I packed up my laptop and headed for the parking garage, but not before one last awkward walk-by with the good old ex for the road. Valentina walked swiftly back towards my direction, we gave each other side eyes as we both pursed our lips. That was the last time that we would see each other (at least for a few years).
Rip It!
Once I got home, I had to vent to a couple of my confidants. I texted my brother, Kojo, and my cousin, Kevin. Kojo called me right away. I told him everything, debriefing him even on the tension that Valentina and I had earlier that week. Kojo was mostly supportive and encouraged me to follow through with the law prom plans. Kojo’s view was to not let the breakup get in the way of a fun night. Kevin called me while I was on the phone with Kojo. I merged the calls so that we were all now on a three-way call. Kevin seemed incredulous, he couldn’t believe that Valentina broke up on Valentine’s Day, especially given all that we had planned. He almost took it personally.
After an hour or so of deliberation between the three of us, Kojo had to drop, it was just me and Kevin. We were talking about everything at this point, not just the break up, but relationships in general, and what it takes to keep them alive. Then, Kevin had an idea.
“Yo, you should just pull up to NY for the weekend,” he said in a hushed tone as if what he was saying was blasphemous.
Kevin can be quite hyperbolic at times — it definitely didn’t seem like a realistic or serious proposal. But the thought of it made me pace around the kitchen. I looked out the back sliding door.
“That would be insane. Tickets are probably crazy right now.” I said.
“Bro, I’m looking right now, and actually, they’re not bad at all.” Kevin said in a whisper as his voice trailed off.
“Yeah, probably taking Spirit and stopping twice,” I said sarcastically as I opened my laptop on the kitchen island.
“No, no, no. This is a nonstop Delta flight,” Kevin said. He caught my attention.
“Are you for real? Are we talking like a Friday to Sunday?
“Yes, exactly. Friday to Sunday. MSP to JFK. I’m looking right now, it’s not that bad. Matter of fact, I know you have to save bread now that you’re in law school, so I’ll actually go half on it, and you can get me back whenever.”
My eyes lit up.
“Bro, are you being for real right now? Would you actually host this weekend?” I asked almost forgetting the fact that I got dumped.
“Yes, bro. Rip it!” Kevin said hyped.
I booked a roundtrip flight to New York, which was scheduled to depart in three hours and return Sunday evening. I will never forget how supportive Kevin was in the wake of just being dumped. Once I got off the phone with Kevin, I texted Kojo that I was flying to New York that evening. He hit me back with one word.
I packed some essentials for the weekend and briefed my roommates at the time on what had happened when they got home. They knew Valentina well from her being at the house all the time. They were shocked by the news and were sorry for me, but they encouraged me to have fun in New York that weekend.
I called Kojo’s boy, Matt (Chooey), and told him about the breakup. I asked Chooey if he would give me a ride to MSP if I drove over to his house, and he was happy to take me. I vented to Chooey on the way to the airport, and he offered me some life advice. He urged me to have the time of my life in New York and to try to forget about Valentina and the breakup. I told him that I would do the best I could.
“You’ll do better than that, Kwame. I want to hear some crazy ass stories when you get back, hear me?” Chooey said only half-joking.
He cheered me up, I laughed and thanked him for the ride.
Once I boarded the plane, I recorded a short video of another plane getting a coat of deicing fluid on the tarmac before we took off. I posted it to my Instagram story and put my phone on airplane mode. When I landed at JFK, I turned off airplane mode, and had several replies to my story from classmates asking where I was going and if I was going to miss law prom. They didn’t know about the breakup yet, but it felt good to know that my absence would be felt.
Takeaways
I’ll save the events that transpired in New York that Valentine’s Day weekend for another time. I’m sharing this story for two reasons:
My Valentine’s Day breakup changed the way I viewed significant others
We can never truly know what is going on in our partner’s mind, or even in their life. We go into relationships with our own experiences, beliefs, values, morals, traumas, etc. For instance, Valentina had a whole life back home halfway across the world with all of her family and friends. There were probably external things at play that I had no control over that impacted her decision to end things. Maybe, she even wrote something about it on that to-do list that she didn’t want me to read. To be honest, I didn’t expect to be dumped on Valentine’s Day; I didn’t think the events leading up to Valentine’s Day was enough to give rise to a breakup. But there is a whole other side to the story that I didn’t know at the time.
Valentine’s Day can put unnecessary pressure on relationships
I feel like our society puts so much pressure on Valentine’s Day — pressure to spend it with a special someone, pressure to spend a ton of money and go all out for a significant other, pressure to take things to the next level, etc. It’s no wonder people feel like crap when they are single in mid-February. Scrolling on social media and seeing “happy” couples celebrating can add salt to the wound. It can all feel very forced and performative, especially when your heart isn’t in it. People play along with the romanticism all because the calendar says 2/14. Who knows when Valentina actually checked out of the relationship? From my perspective, it could have been that week or weeks before. The point is that she didn’t want to pretend to be happy in a relationship that was no longer giving her joy just because it was Valentine’s Day.
Final Thoughts
Breakups aren’t always a bad thing; it can be an opportunity. When I was dumped on Valentine’s Day years ago, I thought my weekend was over. Little did I know that one of the most memorable weekends with family and friends was ahead of me. It was spontaneous, unpredictable, and reflective. I came back to Minneapolis with an entirely refreshed mindset. Sure, it hurt at times, but I didn’t sulk. Flying to New York after being dumped was a reminder that it’s a big world out there with plenty of fish in the sea.
Take it from me, try not to piss off your significant other the week of Valentine’s Day. Temper your expectations, be ready for anything, and it’s okay to have a contingency plan if things go awry. And if you do end up getting dumped, simply book a nonstop flight to New York. You will feel a whole lot better.
Postscript
Valentina and I remain very close to this day. Funny enough, we were in New York the last time we spent time together, and Madrid the time before that. I spoke to her earlier this week and she said that she felt “honored” that I would tell this story.
She said, “It’s your story.”
